How Does It Feel? (1)

Hiro- How does it feel
Dark Night of the Soul / How does it Feel?

How Does It Feel? (1)

You feel as if you are stuck in the dark with no hope of seeing the light again. You already feel totally alone due to this process, and on top of that it is not talked about often in spiritual texts. This is because a lot of us look for the light only and try to run away from the dark, not realizing that the dark will only grow larger the more you ignore it.
Many think they have done something wrong when the symptoms of the Dark Night appear. Especially if they just went through so much perceived spiritual growth. This is furthest from the truth!  When you find yourself in the Dark Night show gratitude because you are going through a sort of rites of passage or a spiritual detox. The pain you feel is the pain you have tried to suppress for years, decades, and even lifetimes. It is now finally bubbling up to the surface to be healed with the love you give it. Even though it seems painful to face this pain, you should feel honored that this pain is finally flowing out of you. We don’t even realize the heavy baggage that we have held onto for so long.
For whatever reason, you are in a position right NOW where it is inevitable to heal your pain, suffering, and feelings of separation from source. This pain is not personal pain, even though it definitely feels like it when you are in the Dark Night! Since our ego selves do not really exist, this pain is only a feeling we attach stories to. This pain you feel is collective and felt through-out the world. We feel this due to our belief that we are separate entities, cut off from Source. When you accept and heal this pain, you heal the world’s suffering automatically!
When you’re in a Dark Night, you feel as if you are in a depression. Though you are in a “spiritual depression,” this is different from clinical depression because the symptoms do not come about due to a certain external situation. You’re not depressed because of someone or something, it just naturally emerged. You feel miserable and don’t know why. You try everything to break yourself out of it and NOTHING works. The more you try to get out of the Dark Night, the more it will persist.
All types of emotions you have tried to suppress for so long, haunt you day in and day out: guilt, shame, frustration, helplessness, anger, sadness, self-pity, loneliness. These emotions are trying to get your attention, but we keep ignoring and resisting them. Think of these emotions as a child that only wants your love. They are trying to get your attention until you finally face them and accept them for what they are-emotions. They are not YOUR emotions, they are just feelings in the body that we tie a story to.
During the Dark Night you feel totally alone. You don’t know many, if any, people that have gone through this or are currently going through it. You don’t feel like being bothered with loved ones and friends that don’t understand because they either think you are crazy and need help or their own fears arise about it and make matters even worse. If you could snap out of it you would, but you barely have any energy or even many interests anymore. All your energy is going to the ego through resisting the inevitable or trying to protect the false self. Things that don’t serve you anymore.
You feel totally stuck! The funny thing is, you truly want to be stuck or you wouldn’t be in the Dark Night anymore. This was a realization I had during the Dark Night. On one end you are miserable and suffering, but on the other end you know that to leave from this Dark Night, you have to let go of this suffering and allow this change to occur. And this is one of your deepest fears! Your ego self is deathly afraid of finally coming out of existed. Even with all the suffering I felt during the Dark Night, I still did not want to let go of it. If I did, this meant my identification as the ego would drop and what then? The fear of losing control that I never truly had and fear of the unknown kept me stuck in a very uncomfortable spot!
Sometimes the external circumstances during the Dark Night can get so uncomfortable and overwhelming that it pins you into a spot where the only way to get out is to surrender. There is no way that the little personal self can “fix” these circumstances anymore and you need to allow life to work through you. At the time you are so frustrated with this situation, but when you remember the big picture, this is definitely a blessing!
Full article by Tathina:

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